I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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