I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
