It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
