At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
