fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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