If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
