She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
