My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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