Little spoons don't ask big questions
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
