just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
