I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
