Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
