pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
