omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
