Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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