I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
accomplished twins. life is a go
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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