i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
