well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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