I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
