Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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