the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Actions speak louder than pants.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
