Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
operation have a gay friend backfired
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
