my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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