I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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