and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
