I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
