The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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