Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
