I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize