Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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