I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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