You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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