whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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