note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
