I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
