I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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