There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
