The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
