you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
