so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
