CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
