dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
