I feel like I'm in dance class right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
