I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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