I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
