There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
