i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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