and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
