I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
