It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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