I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
