you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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