Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
