I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
