So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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