it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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