I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
