it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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