I just made out with a guy for $7.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
