Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
