Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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