It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
