Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she told me i tasted like america
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
