I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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