I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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