There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
