You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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