I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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