last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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